“Like with your mother, but with sex?”

“Yes,” Marjo’s husband had answered, when she asked him if that described his ideal relationship.

I often run into Marjo during my morning walks with the dogs. She’s a warm, kind-hearted woman from Limburg, and after each encounter we know a little more about each other. Her dog Bikkel adores my Easy — and vice versa. Easy fits inside Bikkel about five times, but that doesn’t bother these two lovebirds. After a few unintended somersaults from Easy, Bikkel usually becomes more careful. While the dogs chase each other up the hill, we talk.

This time, the topic is relationships and roles.

Not long ago, Marjo had asked her husband,
“So how do you actually see a relationship? Like with your mother, but with sex?”

To which he had calmly replied,
“Yes, basically.”

We burst out laughing.

She admitted it might be a little late to turn the tide. After 30 years of marriage, patterns don’t just shift overnight. And she also acknowledged the advantages. Her husband may mainly want his meals on time, but the fact that he isn’t the most adventurous man has made her independent.

“I built my own life, my own friends, my own interests because of that. So I’m certainly not complaining. My marriage unintentionally brought me a lot.”

As I walked on, I thought about the unintended yield of my own life. About my frustrations when the world didn’t match the ideal picture I had created. I realized I’ve learned the most from the “most difficult” people.

As the dogs and I headed back to the car, a question suddenly crossed my mind:

Is all that unintended yield perhaps simply… the intention?

UPDATE

Marjo is now divorced.
And she has no regrets about that either.ondjes naar de auto liepen, vroeg ik mezelf ineens af: “Is al die onbedoelde opbrengt niet eigenlijk gewoon de bedoeling”.

UPDATE

Marjo is inmiddels gescheiden van haar man. En daar heeft ze (ook) geen spijt van.